You know that moment when your child’s voice suddenly cuts through the gentle hum of fellow shoppers in the quiet-ish store that you happen to be in, and every head turns toward you like you’re starring in some twisted reality show? Yeah, I’ve been there. Multiple times. With both of my boys. If you’re looking for effective positive parenting tips to handle these challenging moments, you’re in the right place. I am not going to sit here and say that I’ve solved all tantrum problems, but I feel like I’m doing a lot better now that I’ve learned quite a few things on dealing with toddler tantrums.
Just last week, my almost-six-year-old decided that the checkout line at the grocery store was the perfect place to have a complete meltdown because I wouldn’t buy him a pack of Skittles that he felt like he needed to have. Meanwhile, my eleven-month-old was reaching his witching hour and decided to join the chorus because I wouldn’t let him have my phone so he could put it in his mouth. There I was, juggling a screaming baby, negotiating with a sobbing kindergartner, and feeling every judgmental stare burning into my soul – including the growingly impatient cashier.
If you’re reading this as a fellow parent in the trenches, I see you. I feel you. And I’m here to tell you that dealing with meltdowns in public doesn’t have to feel like navigating a minefield blindfolded. Below you’ll find some tips and advice that I am giving from experience as a mom.
Key Strategies and Tips for Dealing with Toddler Tantrums
Let me again re-iterate that I am just a mom who has had about six years of dealing with tantrums of all shapes and sizes. With two boys, the tantrums have been everything from baby tantrums to toddler tantrums and now just big kid meltdowns. I am not going to sit here and say that I am a child expert, but I do feel like I’m getting a good handle on this journey called parenthood.
With dealing with toddler tantrums, it’s all about having a strategy and figuring out what to do and what not to do in order to get through the moment and avoid the next tantrum.
The Reality Check We All Need for Toddler Tantrums
First things first – toddler tantrums are completely normal. I used to think my oldest was somehow “worse” than other kids because he seemed to save his biggest explosions for the most public moments. Turns out, that’s just how little brains work. They don’t have an “appropriate time and place” filter yet. Just because your kid is the only person having a tantrum right at that moment, doesn’t mean that the mom that is in the other aisle with her currently calm child has not dealt with it before.
My youngest is just entering that phase where everything is either amazing or absolutely tragic with no in-between. And god-forbid you take something from him that he’s not supposed to have but very adamant that he needs to have it. Yesterday, he sobbed genuine tears because I wouldn’t let him eat the dog’s food and play in the dog’s water bowl. The drama is real, friends.
My Go-To Strategies That Actually Work for Dealing with Meltdowns
The Prevention Game
I’ve learned that half the battle is setting us up for success before we even leave the house. In my mo car, I have a trunk organizer that keeps all of the things that I need, not only for keeping my car clean and everyone comfortable, but things I need to keep the kids entertained and fed while we are out and about. Now I pack snacks like I’m preparing for the apocalypse. Goldfish crackers have saved me more times than I can count. And if our youngest feels like he really needs a cell phone to chew on, I have one of those chewable toy phones that I give him like it’s a treat for keeping calm.
I also try to time our outings strategically. Running errands right before nap time? That’s a recipe for disaster that I learned the hard way when my oldest had a spectacular meltdown in the middle of Costco because he was overtired. These days, I protect those pre-nap and pre-dinner windows like they’re sacred. And even though I have been in those moments where I felt like nap time was a great time to have them in the car because they’ll sleep and I’ll have quiet, the car eventually stops and you’ll have to interrupt their nap to take them out, and that’s just another recipe for disaster.
In the Moment: My Mom Survival Guide
When a tantrum hits in public, here’s what I’ve found works for dealing with meltdowns:
- Stay calm (easier said than done, I know) – I literally take three deep breaths and remind myself that this will pass. My energy directly affects my kids’ energy, so if I’m spiraling, they’re going to spiral harder. Yelling or trying to use any type of emotional response can and most likely will escalate the situation.
- Get down on their level – I crouch down and make eye contact. Sometimes my almost-six-year-old just needs to feel heard and seen. I’ll say something like, “You’re really upset that we can’t get that toy right now. That’s frustrating.” This is a crucial positive parenting tip. I even try to explain why they can’t have it to our older son. Having him understand reasoning helps him to mediate his own emotions.
- Offer choices within boundaries – Instead of just saying no, I try to give my older son some control. “We’re not buying that toy today, but you can choose – do you want to help me push the cart or carry the shopping list?” Give them something else to focus on. One thing I even did when my eldest was in early toddlerhood but walking was to give him his own little shopping cart and let him help me get everything we needed off the grocery list. Kids love to help and it distracts them from wanting other things.
- Know when to retreat – Sometimes the best positive parenting tip is knowing when to cut your losses. I’ve abandoned full grocery carts more times than I care to admit, and you know what? The world didn’t end. Most of the times, store associates have understood and even some have allowed me to hold my cart at Customer Service if I’m able to return later and finish my shopping.
The Distraction Arsenal for Toddler Tantrums
I always have a few tricks up my sleeve when dealing with meltdowns:
- Silly songs or their favorite songs – Every time my eldest is getting close to a meltdown, I break out in singing the “Circle of Life”. And yes, loudly and probably slightly disruptive, but it’s a shorter disruption than the tantrum. And for our youngest, I can just break out in any song from Ms. Rachel and he’ll be completely distracted.
- Pointing out interesting things around us – It’s like playing a game of “I Spy” to keep them distracted from other things they may want or that will cause them distress. I’ve avoided many toddler tantrums but just pointing out what color shirts other people have on in the store.
- Give them something to do – This goes back to my point earlier about how I give my kids responsibilities to make them feel like they are doing something super helpful when the biggest help is that they are not having a meltdown.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Earlier about Dealing with Meltdowns
Here’s the thing nobody warns you about: other parents are usually your allies, not your judges. That mom giving you a sympathetic smile? She’s been exactly where you are. The dad who offers to help you carry something while you’re juggling a screaming child? He remembers those days. A month or so back, there was a mom struggling with both of her kids having a tantrum and I offered my assistance by having my eldest son go over and say hi to the eldest child. The little girl immediately stopped whining and joined in with helping my son find the item he was tasked with finding for me.
It’s the people without kids who sometimes give the stink eye, and honestly? Their opinions don’t matter. And though they are welcome to a child-free life, they are not entitled to a child-free world. They’ll understand someday, or they won’t, but either way, it’s not your problem.
The Aftermath Strategy for Positive Parenting
After any public meltdown, I try to do a little debrief with my older son once he’s calm. We talk about what happened, how it felt, and what we might do differently next time. I don’t lecture – I just acknowledge that big feelings are hard and that we’re learning together. We then move on to what we will be doing for the rest of the day and if it includes going to other stores, I share with him what we will be doing so that the feels prepared.
With my baby, it’s simpler. I just remind myself that he’s not giving me a hard time; he’s having a hard time. His little brain is still figuring out how to communicate needs beyond crying. His toddler tantrums will eventually become a thing of the past and soon enough I’ll be able to communicate with him like I do with my oldest.
Building Your Confidence Toolkit for Toddler Tantrums
The more I’ve navigated these situations, the more confident I’ve become. I’ve realized that being a good parent doesn’t mean having perfectly behaved children all the time. It means showing up with patience, love, and the wisdom to know that this too shall pass.
I keep a mental list of my wins. Like the time my oldest was melting down about leaving the playground, and instead of getting frustrated, I sat with him and helped him name his feelings. Or when my baby was fussing in the restaurant, and I calmly took him outside for some fresh air instead of feeling embarrassed. These small victories are key to dealing with meltdowns.
Real Talk: It Gets Better
I promise it gets better. My almost-six-year-old still has his moments, but he’s learning to use his words more and his volume less. He’s starting to understand that we can’t always get what we want exactly when we want it. He’s learning through positive parenting tips.
And even though my eleven-month-old is just entering the tantrum phase, I feel more equipped this time around. I know that consistency, patience, and a good sense of humor will get us through the challenges of toddler tantrums.
The Bottom Line: Dealing with Toddler Tantrums
Dealing with toddler tantrums in public is part of the parenting journey. It’s messy, it’s humbling, and sometimes it’s downright exhausting. But it’s also temporary. These little humans we’re raising are learning how to navigate big emotions in a big world, and our job is to guide them with love and understanding, using effective positive parenting tips.
So the next time you’re standing in Target with a screaming child, take a deep breath and remember: you’re not alone, you’re not failing, and this moment doesn’t define you as a parent. You’ve got this, mama. We all do. This mom survival guide is here to help every step of the way.
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